He’s the reason why I sing.

Yet again, I have found myself at a crossroads in my life. I don't know what's gonna happen this time. Deep down, I have resolved that if I ever decide to go back to school again, I would go back to finish my music degree, or at least do something that's performance-related. Well, just a few weeks ago, I had found out that I could only stay at this job that I'm at for 6 months, and then I'm out. Oddly enough, I was anticipating that this would happen. Coincidentally, on the same day that I found out, I was looking at My Yahoo! and I happened to stumble upon my horoscope. Being a Christian, who believes that I don't own my future, and that God is the one who holds my tomorrow, I normally don't believe in horoscopes and all that non-sense. However, that particular day when I happened to read it, I thought that that was the best affirmation I've had in my entire life. Maybe, God, in His own way, used it to tell me something. The horoscope that day read,

"It may be time to think about a career move, dear Aquarius. You are incredibly creative, much more than you give yourself credit for. That needs to change. What is the point in doing a job if it is only for the pay? You have a lot to contribute to this world, and in fact have an obligation to do so. Today, start to brainstorm ways you can put your talents to better use."

That was it. It hit the nail right on the proverbial head! It was exactly what I'd been feeling and thinking for a long time now, and what exactly I needed to see. It gave me the confidence to look forward to what's going to happen, and what God has in store for me. That is why I have decided to go back to music. I want to go back to school. This time, I'm determined to do it. It may take forever, but I'm willing to make the sacrifice. I've slacked off all this time, and I don't see myself doing this job permanently. Like the horoscope said, what's the point of staying at a job you have no interest in, if it's only for the pay? It's like this big bell going off in my head! Anyway, I feel good about my decision so far, and I know that by God's grace, everything would work out. So far, I have only been in contact with one school, AMDA in NYC. The admissions counsellor is very helpful, and loads of fun! I have yet to contact someone from Berklee College of Music in Boston, MA. It's always been one of my dream schools, but when I had the opportunity to apply there right out of high school, I chickened out because I was too afraid and too dependent on my parents. Berklee's a little tougher to swallow, and I could just imagine the competition. But the quality of education I would get and the people I would get to meet and work with would be worth all the struggles. I would definitely become a better musician because of it. I'm praying that Berklee would accept me. *gets on knees and starts praying*

Well, the 4th of July came and went, and guess what I did? NOTHING! Whoo-hoo! Exciting, isn't it? I wanted to go somewhere, but I didn't know where I wanted to go. I would've gone to NYC again, just to be away from Los Angeles, but I didn't want to spend a lot of money, and I was just there a month ago. I could've gone to San Diego, but I don't know anyone out there and I wouldn't know where to go anyway. San Francisco was another option, but I will be going there at the end of August to attend a friend's wedding. So, what exactly did I do for 4th of July, you ask? I stayed home and had bbq with my family and did my laundry. I didn't really mind pending it with family, however, I'm feeling out-of-place a little bit every day. I really need to get away, to move somewhere else. I don't like being in Cerritos anymore. I'm tired of it. Nothing against Cerritos, but I'm just that type of person who gets tired of living in the same place, for a long period of time. I think it's just coming from having to move a lot when I was younger. And I get tired of competing with people, having to one-up the other. I don't care what they say anymore. I'm just gonna live my own life the way I want to. Accountable to no one but God. I'm not a bad person, I don't party hard, drink in excess or do drugs. I'm not promiscuous and I don't intend to be. It's just not the life that I want to live, because it's so unsatisfying. I think I'm starting to gain perspective on things, slowly but surely. I try not to dwell on material things, or what this world can offer, because the truth is, this world can't offer me squat. But I do have something to offer to the world, and that is hope, hope in Jesus Christ. I know that I haven't been living my life the way I know that I should live, but I have that desire and I just want to be able to continue to have that desire. I know that I still sin, but that's no reason for me to run away from God. I should run to Him instead when I do sin. Okay, I'm rambling and have lost my train of thought, but I just hope that whoever reads this gets a little perspective in life.

Anyway, I finally joined a gym after having talked about it for so many months. I must say that I'm really sore right now that everytime I move a limb, I shriek in pain…Well, ok, I'm exagerrating, but I am in pain. It's so rewarding though, and I feel a lot lighter. I've only gone twice, my first work-out was with a personal trainer and he really worked me hard, and the other one was just today, and I did the treadmill and another contraption which I don't really know the name of, but it's like skiing and step-climbing at the same time. It really works you out. I just hope that I do lose some weight. I want to be fit for the summer, I just want to lose some weight and concentrate on flattening my abs and toning my arms, especially my tri-ceps. I was thinking about not signing up to train for a personal trainer anymore, but I think it's gonna be a good investment. I need to get in shape and lose weight, just to feel better. I'm not getting any younger and my metabolism is starting to slow down even more, so I think this will be a good thing for me.